you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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