I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
