I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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