I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize