Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
