from now on my penis is your penis
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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