I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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