normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
P.S. I can't hear my feet
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
