I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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