Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
