Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
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