We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
