How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
