the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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