You can't motorboat a personality
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
