no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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