apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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