It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
