ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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