No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
