First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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