WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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