Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
