I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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