Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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