"it" just moved
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize