ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
