Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
