There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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