shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
