Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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