if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
