I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize