I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize