Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
