Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
