Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
