You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
