Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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