i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
