i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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