I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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