I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
