Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
