I smell stomach acid.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
