so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
