I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize