it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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