i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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