Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
