I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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