why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
