ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
