do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
