I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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