Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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