She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
