and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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