dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's rum buckets o'clock
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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