then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
