If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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