I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
