I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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