I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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