I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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