My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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